So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
