3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
