I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
