Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
