Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
