you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
