can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
