i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
