The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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