so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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