awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
