I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
