OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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