last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
