I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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