So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
