Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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