party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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