We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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