i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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