he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
