If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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