1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
