when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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