She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
