After last night, I could never be a politician.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
