After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
