You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
