Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
