Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
