last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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