It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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