ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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