the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
