People in love make me want to vomit
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
