Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
