I wish my penis had an off switch
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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