So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
