if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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