apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
