I wanna passion pit in your ass
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
