Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
