well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
