I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
