we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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