I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
