dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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