Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
