I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
