You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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