Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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