too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
