There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
